Life of a Foxy Siren

Yeap, and today is one, bloody bloody bad day.

A couple of people at work made a huge mistake and yeppers, as their leader I had to take the bullets.

I can't say I wasn't angry, irritated, sad, disappointed or mental. I think I had a little of each; and kept to myself most of the day.

But people makes mistake. I believe in making an effort in not repeating the mistakes. Somehow it is just so damn difficult to:

- Make your subordinate feel the importance of work quality / impact of mistakes. Not okay to say "I don't know" / "Not too sure". If you're not serious - GET OUT.

- Make your superior understand that we are all human. You don't just yell to correct people's mindset. I don't like being yelled at. If I have a chance, I would quit immediately and let you run the fucking business. (really, excuse my language, I don't give a damn).

I am now officially 300% busier from today onwards.

However I can still smile, laugh and joke as usual..

Because, sometimes you just have a bad day. Nothing that a good sleep cannot rectify.

Today The Mentor taught me something valuable about being a people manager. Forget about honesty. 

"You're too honest sometimes, Foxy.. that won't benefit you in the long run."

I confess, I am surprised.. shocked even. Maybe slightly disappointed too. Everything that I learned.. starting from school; values that my parents instilled in me.. aren't gonna benefit me in life?

But by the end of our conversation, I understood why the above is necessary.

So are honesty and integrity just values that exist in the Moral textbooks and education syllabus? Hate to admit this, but this might be half true :(

"Foxy, most managers don't think like you do. Most aren't people oriented leaders. They focus too much on the team's performance and results, and that are all they care."

I digested this in silence, over a bowl of hot steaming tom yum noodles. Merde! The Mentor has a point. How many leaders actually care about their staffs? Are they happy? What stresses them? Do they need help in closing the gaps in performance? What do they need for their own personal development?

Reflecting this myself, of so many leaders I have had; there is only one that I worship. The Ex Boss. Almost Perfect. Unfortunately she succumbed into the pressure from the upper management's idiots. I felt sorry when The Ex Boss left. So far there is no one as good as she was.. and she is doing even better somewhere else. 

(Yep, I work in a world full of corporate slaves. I see mis-doings and hear stories about violating integrity all the time.)

Earlier that day, I felt like labeling The Boss a confused incompetent soul. Then I changed my mind because (insert the worst label) suits him more.  One minute in the morning he had wanted to retain his talents with the team and asked me to gauge their interest in staying on. Guess what?

That very evening he had a different version. He don't think The Talented Two are worth the position here. WTF? It is skillset vs attitude. As he complained and whined about how his team has all the bad apples with attitude problems, he is setting The Talented Two (who happens to be young, but capable of doing a good job) aside. Reason? 

They lack of the initiative, pro-activeness and maturity in thinking. I swear, he could pass as a screwed bitch going thru hell of a menopause season! Hello, tell me how often do you come across fresh grads who comes in and automatically can be proactive / mature / have endless pots of initiatives? Aren't this the leader's role to COACH them? I was boiling blood inside dealing with him.. sigh. Such a xxxxxxx!

So ok, he is a (again insert label).. but why Cunning (label)?

Well The Mentor revealed "if you become too transparent with him, he will use you to his benefits. He will definitely keep absorbing the good talents from you, those that you put so much efforts into coaching. In the end, things would never change, but you would be exhausted from getting all the rotten people. He knows he is incapable of producing good people like you, so.. *shrugs*"

Merde merde merde! Il est un vrai bâtard!

I'm entering my 4th month officially managing people and boy it is time for a thought detox.

In my first 4 months, I have experienced:

- Terminating an employee. I am not proud of doing this. But what happens if you have an employee who couldn't perform some very basic tasks after 6 months of trainings and on the job practice? One that couldn't go thru a week without making mistakes and getting escalations. I'm not talking about peer complaints.. I'm talking about global management questioning on his quality, capability and contributions.

Even though I did not fire him directly, telling him - "you're not performing / you're not meeting expectations" seemed difficult and I dreaded the time I saw his face fell, looking sad and even blink back tears. My learning?

The job is not for everyone. He is not dumb nor stupid. The nature of the of which requires alot of attention to detail as well as huge amount of common sense just wasn't for him. Also a person who kept giving excuses for his own mistakes just won't go far. I hope he is doing well out there...

- Hiring. This has been happening very frequently. Screening resumes, interviewing candidates, deciding who to hire, writing justification why the candidate was chosen. It can be freaking irritating when after all your hard work, the candidate was taken in for another lead just because it is critical. 

Well how about putting in some effort, donkey? Don't gimme crap about how teamwork should be practiced etc. When I practice teamwork your ass is still in your mom's womb (excuse me, but this really pisses me off).

Again, my key learning is how I approach this type of idiots within my organization and hint them on - Do not mess with me further. That includes The Boss.

- Promoting an employee. Hmm it really isn't that hard to promote someone. And worse is that it didn't just depends on the diligence of the employees. It depends on the lead, and luck and of course the timing. All I can say is that it is a murky murky environment up there.

I'm happy to be able to promote one of my staff. I however admit it wasn't entirely my choice as I wasn't sure she really deserves it. But like I said, murky. And I hope I don't regret this.

Thank God I don't have to demote anyone. Coming from an introvert personality, there has been an enormous amount of changes in me. Engaging with staffs, selling to the upper management, rejecting people, giving credits, and reprimanding people.

So far so good, in general.

Today I caught Miss Nice chatting for almost an hour, when she is already on overtime, and there are still tasks unfinished. I interrupted her conversation asking her about work but she seemed oblivious to those hints. 30 mins later I told her directly that she needs to stop chatting and get back to work.

That did the trick. She apologized and got back to work. Like hello.. I'm approving your overtime so you could have a nice chat with someone who ought to be working as well? Needless to say, I sent a lil note to the manager of the other girl.

I absolutely do not like it when flexibility given was taken for granted. Wanna have tea and talk about the weather? On good days when the volume is manageable - go and there has been many of such occasion. But not when tasks are pending. Not acceptable by my standards.

I'm fully aware with all these little warnings I give, I'm bound to be in some's blacklist. Truthfully, I don't bloody care. I'm not feeling good because I'd had to reprimand people. Given a choice, I'd rather coach them and see them grow. Frankly how likely is that gonna happen to my 20++ staffs under my care?

I'm constantly feeling stressed and worry - about what I don't know. I worry if my team is doing well, if they are happy, if I can help them to grow further, if they can achieve great things. I don't have a freaking idea WHY I feel this way.. The BF said this is normal for a responsible leader. Huh? This cannot be true? There has to be a way for a win win situation for me, my staffs and my boss?

So heck, I'm dumping this discomfort here and upon finishing my bottle of Stout, time to hit the bed. Tomorrow will be a fresh new day. And I'd ramble more on being a people manager.